Life

Life flies by faster and faster
We try to grab hold of it
Make a moment last a little bit longer
But it eludes us over and over
We go along
Not giving any thought
That we might not breathe another breath
Or laugh again
How then can we in good conscious
Spend a moment in anger or malcontent
When all this beauty surrounds us
Every moment has something
Something that we can open our hearts
And move us along
To where we belong

Affirmation

Why is it so hard for us
To believe in ourselves
To see what is within us
Waiting to come out
That the good may last
Even us who encourage others
Who see what many others can't see
Yet we are blind to ourselves
Telling ourselves that we are no good
That this too will pass
Can we start today
To believe in ourselves
To tell our minds that we can do it
That this is a good moment cherish
Don't wait for that bomb
We are destined for good, for joy and sucess

In This Moment

Maybe I think to much
See too much in whats out there
Putting together what goes on
Patterns that mesh us together
Today, one thing leaves me curious
Why does it seem when we are happy
Everyone questions us
Refuses to believe that life is truly good
That it is only temporary
Why can't we live in that moment?
Content with now
Because in the end everything is temporary
So why can't we take this moment
For what it is
Goodness
Stop telling me what might happen
Can't you be happy for me
Just this once, in this moment
Because we never know what might come next
Let us take this happiness
And hold it in our hearts for as long as it lasts

Worldly

There have been many days
That I have spent wondering
About the things I may have missed
The opportunities that passed me by
Wondering if I have really lived my life
With all these struggles
With those many days I did not want to get out of bed
What are those experiences
That everyone else seems to be having?
And then God gave me a chance to see
That I really was not missing much
That He was saving me pain and anguish
To keep me closer to Him
Yet I wonder
Maybe I am destined to be different
Set apart from the crowd
Waiting and wondering
When will my time come
They say good things come to those who wait
Well, I am waiting on God

Truth

More and more I desire truth
Wanting to know the truths of the world
The truths people were trying to hide in their hearts
Searching, researching, wondering
What is there?
Who is there?
Only finding one answer
The I Am
He is the only truth
The only real thing
The only One who can show us the truth
Of who we are and who He is
Love, Grace and Hope
Jesus paying it all
All of the other religions, I believe,
Are just a shadow of this truth
Getting part of the story right
But the fulfillment of this truth is Jesus
This is a truth
That strikes to the core
You can't deny it
You can feel it in your bones
Because we are images of this God
All nature is created by His Truth
That is why it has to cry out to Him
Day and Night
Yearning for Him
Praising Him
His goodness
Let us praise Him
For all of our days
And let us no longer
Believe the lies of the world
The lies that tell us we are not good enough
That you are not precious
That you are not important
You are just as you are supposed to be
Beautiful
Special
Worthy of love
I love you!
God loves you!
Amen

Living

Today, this post is different from the usual run of the mill poems that I put up on this site. Today I am just putting down some things that I have been thinking about lately, quite a bit actually.

As you may or may not know, I have been struggling with End Stage Renal Disease since the age of 7. Two transplants, an adolescence of illness and dialysis, and a second time around on the ol' dialysis machine now as a young adult, it hasn't been that easy. There have been many days when I have wanted to give in, throw in the towel, wishing that it would be over. Yet here I stand, not quite ready to give up. Instead of wishing for the end, I am wishing for another day to begin. Another day to love someone, to smile and laugh, to see the majestic beauty that is the world. I am not going to lie, there are still some extremely tough days. But its my attitude that is changing.

I have recently realized that up to this point in my life I have let my diagnosis run things. I have been tied down by fear and believing that I couldn't do things that normal people could. That I couldn't run, dance, sing or do anything worthwhile. That I would be a drain on society. even though I did not want that. I want independence, and normalcy (if there is such a thing). But then I started thinking that maybe normalcy is overrated. Its those who strive for something different, to overcome the hand that was dealt them that are remembered. I may not make tons of money but that is not my goal.

Today, I start new. Going after the things I always wanted to do. Mother step back, you can not protect me forever. Help me to continue after these things. It will be alright if I need to take a break, step back for a moment. But after I catch my breath encourage me to continue to go on. Facing the new challenge, climbing the new mountain in front of me. Hope is my middle name. Don't let me forget that.

One man that inspires me said this about living with dialysis:

"Realize that you are more than your diagnosis and your preception will begin to change. Realize your goals and your dreams, ask questions, seek answers, and strive to achieve; your world will transform right before your eyes."
---Shad Ireland - the first dialysis patient to compete in an Iroman

Come

In the past you helped me to grow strong and were with me through every pain
Yet I shut the door in your face thinking I could live this life on my own
All I wanted was to be free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away somewhere new where no one knew,
A place where there was no past a new start
Now I am back to the beginning
Tied down once again
I feel like a bird whose wings have been tied
All that is before me is darkness, nothing is visible,
I can't even feel you anymore
When the wind blows I can't feel it on my skin and the rain has no refreshment
Please return to me,
I am weak without you; afraid without you
I grasp for your hand and fall on the cold floor
Where are you?
Have I banished you forever,
Am I doomed to a life of bondage and no purpose
No path to follow but to sit here and wait
Please come, help me
I'm exhausted from trying to be strong and thinking through thing
I need you if I am ever to get through this.