Today, this post is different from the usual run of the mill poems that I put up on this site. Today I am just putting down some things that I have been thinking about lately, quite a bit actually.
As you may or may not know, I have been struggling with End Stage Renal Disease since the age of 7. Two transplants, an adolescence of illness and dialysis, and a second time around on the ol' dialysis machine now as a young adult, it hasn't been that easy. There have been many days when I have wanted to give in, throw in the towel, wishing that it would be over. Yet here I stand, not quite ready to give up. Instead of wishing for the end, I am wishing for another day to begin. Another day to love someone, to smile and laugh, to see the majestic beauty that is the world. I am not going to lie, there are still some extremely tough days. But its my attitude that is changing.
I have recently realized that up to this point in my life I have let my diagnosis run things. I have been tied down by fear and believing that I couldn't do things that normal people could. That I couldn't run, dance, sing or do anything worthwhile. That I would be a drain on society. even though I did not want that. I want independence, and normalcy (if there is such a thing). But then I started thinking that maybe normalcy is overrated. Its those who strive for something different, to overcome the hand that was dealt them that are remembered. I may not make tons of money but that is not my goal.
Today, I start new. Going after the things I always wanted to do. Mother step back, you can not protect me forever. Help me to continue after these things. It will be alright if I need to take a break, step back for a moment. But after I catch my breath encourage me to continue to go on. Facing the new challenge, climbing the new mountain in front of me. Hope is my middle name. Don't let me forget that.
One man that inspires me said this about living with dialysis:
"Realize that you are more than your diagnosis and your preception will begin to change. Realize your goals and your dreams, ask questions, seek answers, and strive to achieve; your world will transform right before your eyes."
---Shad Ireland - the first dialysis patient to compete in an Iroman
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About Me
- Amanda
- I really like to write. It helps to get all of those pent up emotions...you know the ones that you can't share. Some of these poems are fresh from that day and others are ones I wrote in the last couple of years. Many of the themes are the same, darkness, strife and most importantly overcoming those through God's grace. I hope that you are blessed from these words, that they feed your soul and give you HOPE!
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