Truth

More and more I desire truth
Wanting to know the truths of the world
The truths people were trying to hide in their hearts
Searching, researching, wondering
What is there?
Who is there?
Only finding one answer
The I Am
He is the only truth
The only real thing
The only One who can show us the truth
Of who we are and who He is
Love, Grace and Hope
Jesus paying it all
All of the other religions, I believe,
Are just a shadow of this truth
Getting part of the story right
But the fulfillment of this truth is Jesus
This is a truth
That strikes to the core
You can't deny it
You can feel it in your bones
Because we are images of this God
All nature is created by His Truth
That is why it has to cry out to Him
Day and Night
Yearning for Him
Praising Him
His goodness
Let us praise Him
For all of our days
And let us no longer
Believe the lies of the world
The lies that tell us we are not good enough
That you are not precious
That you are not important
You are just as you are supposed to be
Beautiful
Special
Worthy of love
I love you!
God loves you!
Amen

Living

Today, this post is different from the usual run of the mill poems that I put up on this site. Today I am just putting down some things that I have been thinking about lately, quite a bit actually.

As you may or may not know, I have been struggling with End Stage Renal Disease since the age of 7. Two transplants, an adolescence of illness and dialysis, and a second time around on the ol' dialysis machine now as a young adult, it hasn't been that easy. There have been many days when I have wanted to give in, throw in the towel, wishing that it would be over. Yet here I stand, not quite ready to give up. Instead of wishing for the end, I am wishing for another day to begin. Another day to love someone, to smile and laugh, to see the majestic beauty that is the world. I am not going to lie, there are still some extremely tough days. But its my attitude that is changing.

I have recently realized that up to this point in my life I have let my diagnosis run things. I have been tied down by fear and believing that I couldn't do things that normal people could. That I couldn't run, dance, sing or do anything worthwhile. That I would be a drain on society. even though I did not want that. I want independence, and normalcy (if there is such a thing). But then I started thinking that maybe normalcy is overrated. Its those who strive for something different, to overcome the hand that was dealt them that are remembered. I may not make tons of money but that is not my goal.

Today, I start new. Going after the things I always wanted to do. Mother step back, you can not protect me forever. Help me to continue after these things. It will be alright if I need to take a break, step back for a moment. But after I catch my breath encourage me to continue to go on. Facing the new challenge, climbing the new mountain in front of me. Hope is my middle name. Don't let me forget that.

One man that inspires me said this about living with dialysis:

"Realize that you are more than your diagnosis and your preception will begin to change. Realize your goals and your dreams, ask questions, seek answers, and strive to achieve; your world will transform right before your eyes."
---Shad Ireland - the first dialysis patient to compete in an Iroman

Come

In the past you helped me to grow strong and were with me through every pain
Yet I shut the door in your face thinking I could live this life on my own
All I wanted was to be free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away somewhere new where no one knew,
A place where there was no past a new start
Now I am back to the beginning
Tied down once again
I feel like a bird whose wings have been tied
All that is before me is darkness, nothing is visible,
I can't even feel you anymore
When the wind blows I can't feel it on my skin and the rain has no refreshment
Please return to me,
I am weak without you; afraid without you
I grasp for your hand and fall on the cold floor
Where are you?
Have I banished you forever,
Am I doomed to a life of bondage and no purpose
No path to follow but to sit here and wait
Please come, help me
I'm exhausted from trying to be strong and thinking through thing
I need you if I am ever to get through this.

Enough

Where are all the voices hiding?
The voices of the fed up
Bringing forth light
To show the darkness of the world
To enrage the population
To promote TRUE change
Have we not had enough?
Enough war
Enough hate
Enough poverty
Enough oppression "in the name of God"
What are we going to do?
Just let it go by?
Hoping that we do not become a victim as well
What can I do?
I have had enough
Enough greed
Enough corruption
Enough sickness
Enough of empty promises
Teach me to give
To let go of this selfishness
That society promotes
To make the world better
Even if it is small

Life

I lie awake in bed
Pondering
Wondering
About that age old question
What is life?
Is it supposed to be a daring thing?
Risking, leaping and adventurous?
Seeking, excitement and new thrills?
Or is it much simpler than that?
I believe that life is surviving
Being able to wake up to a new day
A new chance to love
Another opportunity to start fresh
To be able to adapt
To forget the bad
And embrace the good
To say "I made it!"
Strengthen your spirit
To see the beauty that Life has to offer
And to grab hold of God

Beauty

I see the way you look at me
You look down on me
Sizing me up
By the clothes I wear
the shape of my body
And the way I wear my hair
You look at me and judge
using society's ruler
Yet you know nothing about me
None of my struggles or desires
And you think you know me
By just one look deciding who I am
But it doesn't matter anymore
I no longer care what you think
I finally see
My true beauty
That lies deep within
This beauty
For those who look past the exterior
And call me friend

Presence

In your presence is the only place that I long to stay

In your presence everything else falls away

All of the doubts and fears that cloud my brain dissolve

All that is left is the grace that surrounds

When the tears flow down you wipe them away and grant peace

You hold me next to your heart, hold me tight & never let go

This is all that matters, that you are here

That your love will never fail me

Even when I abandon you and search for others to take your place

You still take me back, you hold me in your arms

All the unkind words and hateful actions of others are burned into my skin

You heal them with your tenderness and mercy

All of the storms that try to consume me, you still with one word

You give hope and light to the dark places in my heart

This is all I need, nothing else compares to your presence

Give me grace to face the world today,

I can't wait to see you again